Please help me out of his situation its extremely urgent friends.?

i am married and before that had an bf who loves me a lot and i love him a lot. i m not satisfied with my marriage as it was done forcefully and i did it for my parents as i m very sentimental. Now its almost 11 months and i m not able to stay without him i really tried my best, but i m not able to go near my hubby also nor allow him to touch me. i almost tried taking my life 3 to 4 times, but was unsuccessful. none of which worked and now i cant stay without my bf and i wanna get back him. i have stopped smiling, enjoying my life i have become like dead body. if i be with him i very bubbly as we both love each other lot thus. please help me out. should i get out of my marriage relationship and go near him?